i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize