My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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