R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
