okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
