Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
