I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
