maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
