i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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