hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
