Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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