I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
