He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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