My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
