He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
