i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
