I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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