i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
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