Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.