I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.