things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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