He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Oh, makes sense.