i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
we're so committed to being not committed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
