So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan