Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

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  (336): Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see. http://tfl.nu/n17o
  Replies (13) Good night (892) Bad night (2597)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.

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  (203): a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up. http://tfl.nu/5e3h
  Replies (76) Good night (1180) Bad night (8076)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.

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  (978): You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober. http://tfl.nu/95jv
  Replies (13) Good night (4001) Bad night (1139)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.

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  (720): Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands. http://tfl.nu/3psd
  Replies (19) Good night (1448) Bad night (4408)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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  (503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx
  Replies (45) Good night (5476) Bad night (1640)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.

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  (978): IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES. http://tfl.nu/cxji
  Replies (7) Good night (2436) Bad night (714)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.

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  (484): judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog. http://tfl.nu/kq70
  Replies (6) Good night (2178) Bad night (732)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

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  (224): At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk http://tfl.nu/rjll
  Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (718)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

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  (570): the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year. http://tfl.nu/g3sd
  Replies (4) Good night (1590) Bad night (474)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I still make more money.

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  (817): Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions. (214): I still make more money. http://tfl.nu/pibf
  Replies (6) Good night (2559) Bad night (548)
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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  (227): I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are. http://tfl.nu/7vs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (508)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow

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  (203): The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow http://tfl.nu/7yz5
  Replies (7) Good night (699) Bad night (1057)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  Oh shit. This is getting real.

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  (504): Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning. (1-504): Oh shit. This is getting real. http://tfl.nu/zlj3
  Replies (8) Good night (1300) Bad night (427)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.

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  (317): You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves. http://tfl.nu/nrql
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (353)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.

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  (+44): I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'. http://tfl.nu/incy
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (288)

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