I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
