just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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