I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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