when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
