another moral hangover. fuck.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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