He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
