i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
