You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
