omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A+ Viking dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
