Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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