you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
