Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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