Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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