i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will pee on everything he values.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
