I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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