I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
