I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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