I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
