I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
