I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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