so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
