why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
