I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
