God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize