I just threw up on my dentist
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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