my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
