Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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