So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
