If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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