2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
