I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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