Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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