No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
