Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
