get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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