She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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