You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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