He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
