Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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