you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
