She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
