who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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