just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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