oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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