you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
