planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
