you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
