Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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