Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
