like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
